Don’t do it, Molly.

Don’t go into the kitchen at work, where you know there’s a platter of delectable-looking donuts, just waiting to be devoured.

Don’t do it! Don’t -!

Oh…well, you did it…at least they’re cut into quarters, so it’s not like you’re having a full donut. Just one-quarter donut is enough to satisfy your mid-morning snack craving.

Except you’ve got a post-lunch sweet tooth going on, and you’re aware that there’s plenty more goodies up for grabs in the kitchen.

Ah, another quarter of a donut polished off. Both were tasty, but no more. Not unless I want to gamble with my CGM graph and see my numbers spike due to a rapid amount of carb intake in a relatively short window of time…

The above scenario is precisely what happened to me on a day in which my self-control was difficult to reign in. But it got me thinking about self-control, in general, in the context of living with type 1 diabetes. After all, I could’ve totally gone bananas and helped myself to a whole bunch of donuts and nothing would’ve stopped me, other than the brief need to calculate my carb intake and do my best to bolus accurately for it. (And if anyone saw me scarfing down a whole bunch of donuts; well, then…I think I would’ve been extremely embarrassed so that would’ve likely stopped me, too.) Since I prefer not to consume tricky-to-bolus-for things like donuts on a regular basis, and since I’d like to avoid judgment for eating all the donuts, that might imply that I have a certain amount of self-restraint. It could also indicate that generally speaking, I make wise food decisions and only indulge in treats in limited quantities.

So with that said, does my diabetes give me a greater sense of self-control?

I say yes and no…because my levels of self-control fluctuate on a daily basis, much like the weather, my mood, or any other number of things.

I’m a person living with type 1 diabetes, but ahead of that diabetes diagnosis is being a person – meaning that I’m human and I deal with cravings just like anyone else. Sometimes I can satisfy my cravings with a small portion, other times I want to go wild and have multiple servings of whatever it might be that’s tempting my taste buds. And yes, there are even some times in which I can completely walk away from (or steer clear) of whatever food that’s up for grabs – whether it’s due to my blood sugar levels in the moment or because I simply don’t want the free bagels or leftover cookies from Panera. Whatever direction I might oscillate in, I take comfort in knowing that first and foremost, it’s okay to help myself to indulgences as long as I bolus responsibly, to the best of my ability, for them. I’m still working on not beating myself up for it when I don’t nail the bolus and pay the consequences in the form of high blood sugar, but at least I can say that I know myself well enough to know that this is an issue of mine.

Self-control is just a small puzzle piece in the broader diabetes management picture. It’s a component that’s worth considering in many different contexts, certainly, but it’s more about knowing where it fits in with all the other pieces and finding acceptance in the fact that it might not always stay at the same levels – just like my actual blood sugar.