You’re looking at the title of this blog post and thinking…”ugh, clickbait!”
I assure you that I’m not trying to present this as clickbait; in reality, I did recently say something extremely messed up about my diabetes.
In a dramatic outburst spurred by three days of frustratingly high blood sugars, I said to my parents, “I’m going to die of diabetes.“
Look…we all say things that we don’t mean sometimes. But when I said this, there was a teensy-weensy piece of me that really believed there was an ounce of truth in that statement. That’s how fed-up I was with my diabetes.
It’s because I was going through insulin like crazy in the first half of that week. I couldn’t figure out why my numbers were running so high and tried what seemed like everything to cope with it: eating low carb, running temp basal increases, doubling my mealtime insulin, staying as hydrated as possible, checking ketones…and I was still contending with high numbers. The longer I stayed above my high threshold on my CGM, the more I convinced myself I was doing damage to my body, and that was an incredibly awful feeling. So I made that horrid exclamation out of sheer exasperation and fear.
I was letting my diabetes win that day.
I was letting my diabetes control the narrative.
I was letting my diabetes make me think that I was doing everything wrong, when in reality I was trying like hell to do everything right.
And…I was letting myself down. That defeatist attitude is not how I approach life with diabetes.
But I said what I said, and I can’t take it back…but I absolutely can change my thinking so that when something like this happens again, and I’m just feeling incredibly burnt out from it all, I have a new thing to say that is far from messed up:
I’m going to LIVE WITH diabetes.
Not just live…I’m going to live well with diabetes.