Tag: diabetes doctor

My Endo Broke Up With Me

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Break ups…they’re hard not to take personally. Especially when they aren’t done in person, face-to-face.

Phone calls are worse. But letters are the worst. Breaking up with anyone by sending them a letter in the mail removes all emotion from the equation. But I suppose there was no other way for my endocrinologist to end our doctor-patient relationship than via a vague, impersonal letter that wasn’t delivered just to me, but all of her patients.

That’s right…my endocrinologist broke up with all of us and informed us in a letter that she was leaving her (well, OUR) endocrinology office.

So long and farewell, endocrinologist…

She’s officially gone from the practice that I’ve been going to for nearly half of my life now, and I’m not going to lie, her abrupt departure shook me a bit. It’s not that I’m going to miss this doctor – I was never a huge fan of her bedside manner or approach to my concerns with my diabetes care. It’s more so that I’ll miss the convenience of traveling to this particular clinic, as well as the familiarity I have with all of their processes.

And it’s even more so that this situation is forcing me to face something I’ve been in serious denial about for quite some time: I need to prioritize finding a new endocrinologist that actually understands my wants and needs, and break out of the cycle of complacency that I’ve been stuck in all my adulthood.

It’s a daunting prospect and a reality that I’ve been trying to accept as I’ve gotten older and as my needs have changed, but real talk? Shopping around for a new doctor is exhausting. It’s just as bad, if not worse, than dating. You read about a person online, get your hopes up that they’ll be a perfect match, make plans to pencil them into your schedule, and then when you finally meet them…you’re disappointed. Wash, rinse, and repeat until you make a genuine connection with someone. Only the stakes feel higher in this situation because a doctor plays an integral role in your overall health and well-being.

So while it’s far from fun to find myself on the search for a new diabetes provider, I can still find a silver lining in the scenario. And that’s the belief and optimism that there is a doctor out there who will become a reliable and supportive player on my diabetes care team. I will find someone who is not located too far away, and who is kind, caring, compassionate, and knowledgeable when it comes to all things diabetes.

I’ve just got to have faith – and a little patience as I pour time and energy into the process.

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Reflecting on my Experience with Metformin

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A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post series about my experience with Metformin. As I was paging through my blog, looking for either an old post to republish or inspiration for a new post to write, I came across that series and got to thinking about how I felt on Metformin.

If you aren’t familiar with what Metformin is, it’s an oral medication that’s typically used to help stabilize blood sugar levels for people with type 2 diabetes. This is where you might be thinking…I (Molly) have type 1 diabetes, so why was I prescribed this medication?

Well, my endocrinologist at the time wanted me to try taking Metformin in tandem with doses of insulin in an attempt to reduce my overall insulin needs. She expressed concerns that my daily insulin intake was high (something I disagree with now, as I think about it a couple of years later), and that she had some general awareness of studies that indicated it might not be good for my future health if I continued using so much insulin each day. (Note: I don’t know what study or studies she was referring to, and this is where I should’ve done more research before just taking her word for it and going on the pill. This is an example of poor patient advocacy on my part.)

I did not enjoy my time on Metformin.

Even though I met her sentiments with skepticism, I trusted this endocrinologist, so I decided to give Metformin the old college try. And I hated it. Hated it! I tried taking it per my doctor’s instructions for two separate spans of time (each lasting a month or so) and made the decision to stop using it because I simply didn’t see that it was making any sort of difference. Actually, it was affecting something, just not my blood sugar levels or insulin intake – it was affecting my anxiety levels. I was afraid that Metformin, coupled with my insulin, would cause me to have low blood sugars all the time. While in reality, I didn’t experience many lows, I was still always paranoid about them and it was an unpleasant thing to have to deal with.

So now, about two years later as I think about these ineffective encounters with Metformin, I realize that I should have done a lot more before even considering taking it. I should’ve asked more questions. I should’ve done more research. I should’ve asked around the diabetes online community to see if anyone had advice for me. I should’ve pushed back more with my doctor to get to the bottom of the reason(s) why she wanted me to take Metformin. Going back to my point above…this was a big lesson in patient advocacy. It’s important to ask questions and gather all the facts, especially in situations like this where there was so much uncertainty, in order to receive the best care possible. And it’s important to remember that even the most trusted and well-liked doctors aren’t always right when it comes to the medical guidance they suggest or give. At the end of the day, I’ve got to keep in mind that nobody knows my body and brain better than I do, so it’s okay to challenge the authority of the experts (in a respectful, kind way of course).

My First Virtual Endocrinologist Appointment

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My first-ever virtual endocrinologist appointment – and my first one of 2021 – took place last week. I’m going to sum it up list-style, because who doesn’t love a good bullet-point list?

  • It was strange. I didn’t think I would be weirded out by having my endocrinologist “in” my home, but it was freakin’ bizarre to see her face show up on the monitor that I do my day job from, that happens to live on a desk in my bedroom.
  • I had to wait to see my doctor. It took almost 10 minutes for me to receive my pre-appointment check-in call, and another five before my doctor actually joined. That felt normal.
  • We made a single change to my pump settings in the whole appointment. She suggested a solitary tweak to my correction factor. I’m not sure I agree with said change, but we’ll see how I feel about it over time.
Look, it’s actually me in the virtual waiting room! Smirking at the camera and everything! Thank goodness my doctor didn’t join at this moment…
  • My lab results were barely discussed. My doc mentioned that my cholesterol was a little higher than it was last time, and I unabashedly told her that this was probably because I hit the drink somewhat harder than I used to in the past (sorry not sorry, I like wine). I brought up my A1c and I said I was proud of myself for achieving it, and she just nodded, otherwise disregarding this data point.
  • We figured out which prescriptions I needed. When she asked about my supplies, I explained to her that Dexcom is no longer shipping sensors and transmitters to me directly and they want me to use another supplier called Byram (more on that in a future post). I asked if she could send my prescription to my regular mail-order pharmacy instead, and she obliged, telling me to double-check on the script in a few days to make sure it would go through properly.
  • It was just as short as they typically are. The whole damn appointment lasted only 15 minutes and 2 seconds…and we talked about me/my diabetes, specifically, for fewer than 5 minutes. We spent the rest of the time discussing our collective confusion over my COVID vaccine eligibility and my frustration over my postponed physical. It was both gratifying and dismaying to discover that she couldn’t understand why the state of Massachusetts considers me ineligible to receive the vaccine until the third (final) distribution phase, but I’m hoping that will change soon.
  • She wants to see me again in 6-7 months. My doctor ended the appointment by asking me to schedule an appointment in the August/September range, which seems so far away. I let her know I’d schedule it at a later date for a couple of reasons, one being that I have no clue whether I’ll want to go in person or do it virtually again, and another being that I really don’t know that I want to keep her as my endo.

That just about covers it. I’m not the happiest patient in the world – I’ve been uncertain about this doctor since I started seeing her – but for realsies, I’m glad that I trusted my instincts and requested a virtual appointment instead of an in-person one.

The drive would’ve been longer than the visit, and for me, that just doesn’t make it worth it.

My First Endo Appointment of 2020

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My first endocrinologist appointment of the year is coming up next week and it’s got me feeling allllllll sorts of emotions…

Anxiety. This tops the list because, well, I haven’t been to a medical office since the coronavirus outbreak started. My doctors have either asked me to reschedule my appointments, or I’ve been able to see them virtually. I know that my endocrinologist’s practice has many protocols in place now to make the experience as sanitary and safe as possible, but it still does put me on edge.

Fear. I’m afraid of what my A1c will be. Yup, I’m actually scared to know this reading that should, in reality, help me manage my diabetes better. I know, I know – the A1c is just one way to measure how well I’m taking care of my diabetes, the one number isn’t a total reflection of my “success”. But I can’t help but be worried that I’ll be disappointed by my results, even though I know I’ve tried my best in the last few months to achieve one that makes me happy.

Beige and Gray Minimalist Quote Instagram Post
Who would’ve thought that a simple follow-up with my endocrinologist would evoke so many emotions?

Skepticism. The last time I saw my endocrinologist was just a couple days after Christmas…and it was my first meeting with her. It was her suggestion that I return in six months as opposed to the usual three, which I thought was a little weird, but I just went with it. However, I’m now wondering if this was the right call, because how on earth is she even going to remember more than six months later? I’m concerned that we’ll spend most of our time catching up on things that I didn’t want to discuss during this important follow-up, but I’m cautiously optimistic that it will go better than I’m currently expecting it to go.

Curiosity. I’m HELLA curious as to what my doctor will say about my diabetes management in the last six months. Will she tell me that I’m doing a good job? Will she scold me? Will she take the time to review my latest lab results? Will she help to address my needs so that the next time I see her, I’ll have less trepidation over our visit? I’m very eager to find out the answers to those questions.

Listlessness. Perhaps the most unusual feeling I’ve had about this appointment is…lack of interest in it. I’m nervous about physically getting out of the house to go to it, and I’m wondering about the outcome of it, but the mere thought of going right now just isn’t sparking much of anything within me. I haven’t really thought about the questions I might ask her during the appointment; instead, the only thing I’m truly focused on is the logistics of getting there and actually sitting in the appointment. Otherwise, I’m just feeling a little tired when I think about it, like I’ve already gone and it’s drained me of my energy. This could be due to some burnout that I suspect I’m contending with at the moment, but for now, all I know is that unless I leave the appointment feeling positive in some fashion, then this whole “six month follow-up” thing just might not cut it for me and my own diabetes care and management routine.

Why Meeting a New Endocrinologist is Scarier Than Going on a First Date

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I have an appointment with my endocrinologist today. Or should I say, the person who I hope is my new endocrinologist. I really want this patient-doctor relationship to work out!

It’s my first new endocrinologist in about ten years and I am effing nervous. It’s comparable to going out on a first date with someone, only I’m not hoping to be wooed with flowers or treated to a fancy meal.

I’m hoping that this person is someone I can trust with my health…which I value a lot more than any of the associated costs of a first date.

Why Meeting a New Endocrinologist is Scarier Than Going on a First Date
There are higher stakes with a new endocrinologist than with a new dating-app match.

Why is this new doctor terrifying to me? For starters, I have so many questions. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like her? What if she judges me? What if she’s too lenient? What if…? The list goes on and on.

Plus, I’m seeing her after smack dab in the middle of holiday celebrations, also known as the most turbulent time of the year for me and my blood sugars. I’ve had so many highs in the last month that I’ve tried to stay on top of, but she’s bound to notice them and ask me if this is a regular thing for me. It’s also pretty likely that my weight has gone up as a result of the many indulgences I’ve enjoyed in the last few weeks, and I’m worried about whether comments will be made on that.

Not to mention that I haven’t seen an endocrinologist since…late August, I think? And that appointment was with my “old” doctor, who left to practice somewhere far, far away. It was a bittersweet parting, and it wasn’t on amicable terms because neither of us was ready for it to be over. So I’m heading into a new potential endocrinologist relationship with that in my mind, and my new doctor has a lot to live up to when compared with my old doctor.

I just want everything to go well. I know that if it’s not a perfect fit, it’ll be pretty evident straightaway, and I can seek another new endocrinologist. But to continue with the dating metaphor, it’s not as easy as just swiping along and seeing what other nearby options I have. There are other concerns beyond location: I need to make sure my doctor can accept my insurance, on top of them being likable, knowledgable, and eager to help me manage my diabetes. It might be surprising to learn that this particular combination is a tall order, but again, when it comes to my health I refuse to just settle.

Fingers crossed, it’s a match from the start and all of my concerns will be rendered invalid late this afternoon at the conclusion of my appointment…