peer support – Hugging the Cactus

Even a tubeless insulin pump isn’t immune to unexpected detachment.

I’ve fallen victim to this phenomenon a handful of times over the years, and it struck me yet again earlier this month.

I’d been complaining to my partner that my pod was beginning to itch; specifically, right around the cannula. I’d also noticed that the adhesive was sticking up around most of the edge and assumed that perhaps the lack of full contact was creating the itching sensation. Writing that just now, let alone thinking it, doesn’t make much sense. But I was looking for some sort of explanation as to why my skin was itching underneath my pod, and this was the one I settled for. I decided to apply a Pod Pal (the Omnipod-provided medical tape that fits perfectly around a pod) and just deal with any lingering itchiness for the remaining 12-ish hours that my pod would be on.

Surprisingly, the itchiness faded only an hour or two after I initially noticed it, which was great! What was less-than-ideal, though, was that the itchiness likely went away because something – maybe a certain way I had moved my body, or it could’ve been me jostling my pod somehow in just the wrong manner and not noticing it – caused my cannula to pop out…meaning that the insulin I had given myself for dinner likely didn’t deliver. Well, that explained the strong insulin odor my nostrils had detected as well as my skyrocketing blood sugar levels, per my CGM.

Luckily, it was pretty easy for me to handle this unforeseen circumstance. However, it was annoying to have to change the pod earlier than I wanted to, and I didn’t love that my blood sugar crept into the 300s for a few hours that evening due to the lack of insulin. This disconnection rattled me, and in the days following it I realized that I’m feeling a diabetes disconnection on more than just the device front.

It’s also striking me on the community front.

I’ve felt more disconnected from the diabetes community in the last 6 months than I have in potentially my entire adult life. I know that part of this is due to the fact that I no longer work in diabetes, but I think it’s also because I’ve struggled to relate to a lot of what’s out there, at least what’s shared online, anyways. I feel like I can’t quite relate to the desire to express my life with diabetes 24/7, and yet I also very much don’t want to shelter this part of my life and miss talking to others about the ins and outs of it. It’s a weird gray area that I’m in, and it’s a little disconcerting to feel this disconnected from a community I may not have always embraced, but one that I’ve grown to appreciate, respect, and learn so much from.

So what do I do about this feeling? It’s not as simple as taking off the old pod and putting a new one on…or is it? Do I a) dare to step out of my comfort zone a little bit and explore opportunities to reconnect with the diabetes community (whether in-person or virtually), or do I b) ride it out and spend some time reflecting on whether my needs, as a person who has lived with diabetes for more than 25 years, have changed? Option A feels overwhelming as I really don’t know where to start, and option B feels pretty scary as I don’t know whether giving up peer support is something that I should really pursue at this particular juncture in my diabetes journey since it’s helped me in indescribable ways in the last decade.

I suppose that time will tell what is right for me, and I accept knowing that my needs may or may not change over time – and whether they do or don’t is perfectly reasonable. I take a lot of comfort in knowing that.

One Monday per month, I’ll take a trip down memory lane and reflect on how much my diabetes thoughts, feelings, and experiences have unfolded over the years. Today, I remember…

…attending my very first CDN meeting as a college freshman who had no idea what to expect.

I remember wandering into one of the dilapidated buildings on campus, my stomach twisting in knots out of anticipation. I had no clue what to expect. I’d decided to go to the meeting partly to find out what it was like to interact with other T1Ds who were my age, and partly to placate my mother, who encouraged me to give it a shot (pun definitely intended).

When I walked into the room, I was greeted by the then-president of the UMass Amherst chapter, a couple of members, and the chapter’s adviser. I remember smiling nervously at them, introducing myself, and sitting down to join in on the animated conversation.

That would be the first and only CDN meeting in which I didn’t have much to say, only because I was too fixated on the novelty of the whole thing. Growing up, my mom and my aunt were the only two T1Ds I had in my life, and I was very okay with that. They were (and still are) excellent resources for my diabetes-related questions, so much so that my young/naive mind couldn’t see what I’d possibly have to gain by befriending other people my own age with diabetes.

If I’d known then what I know now…!

85EEFF80-7438-46A8-B5C0-ECD07AAE5A04 — CDN became such a big part of my life that I even wound up on the cover of their Advocacy and Awareness Guide! Who woulda thunk?

To make a long story short, that meeting marked the start of something wonderful for me. A journey, of sorts, to feeling empowered with diabetes. The beginning of many treasured friendships. An introduction to leadership in the diabetes community. A foray into feeling less afraid to rely on others for emotional support when I struggle with my diabetes.

That first meeting showed me what it was like to be around peers who I don’t have to constantly explain things to because they already know the ins and outs of diabetes just as well as I do. And that is invaluable.

I like reflecting on my involvement with CDN because so many positive things are associated with it, and it’s especially fitting on this Memory Monday in question, because Diabetes Awareness Month is right around the corner! My upcoming posts will reflect that, and they’ll also address prompts provided by the CDN to celebrate College Diabetes Week. Even though I’m not in college anymore, I’m looking forward to writing posts that respond to those prompts, because they’ll serve as a great way to reflect and reminisce some more. Be on the lookout for those posts in the next two weeks!