Tag: food choices

Does Diabetes Give Me a Greater Sense of Self-Control?

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Don’t do it, Molly.

Don’t go into the kitchen at work, where you know there’s a platter of delectable-looking donuts, just waiting to be devoured.

Don’t do it! Don’t -!

Oh…well, you did it…at least they’re cut into quarters, so it’s not like you’re having a full donut. Just one-quarter donut is enough to satisfy your mid-morning snack craving.

Except you’ve got a post-lunch sweet tooth going on, and you’re aware that there’s plenty more goodies up for grabs in the kitchen.

Ah, another quarter of a donut polished off. Both were tasty, but no more. Not unless I want to gamble with my CGM graph and see my numbers spike due to a rapid amount of carb intake in a relatively short window of time…

The above scenario is precisely what happened to me on a day in which my self-control was difficult to reign in. But it got me thinking about self-control, in general, in the context of living with type 1 diabetes. After all, I could’ve totally gone bananas and helped myself to a whole bunch of donuts and nothing would’ve stopped me, other than the brief need to calculate my carb intake and do my best to bolus accurately for it. (And if anyone saw me scarfing down a whole bunch of donuts; well, then…I think I would’ve been extremely embarrassed so that would’ve likely stopped me, too.) Since I prefer not to consume tricky-to-bolus-for things like donuts on a regular basis, and since I’d like to avoid judgment for eating all the donuts, that might imply that I have a certain amount of self-restraint. It could also indicate that generally speaking, I make wise food decisions and only indulge in treats in limited quantities.

So with that said, does my diabetes give me a greater sense of self-control?

The donut pieces I had IRL were not nearly as pretty as these ones.

I say yes and no…because my levels of self-control fluctuate on a daily basis, much like the weather, my mood, or any other number of things.

I’m a person living with type 1 diabetes, but ahead of that diabetes diagnosis is being a person – meaning that I’m human and I deal with cravings just like anyone else. Sometimes I can satisfy my cravings with a small portion, other times I want to go wild and have multiple servings of whatever it might be that’s tempting my taste buds. And yes, there are even some times in which I can completely walk away from (or steer clear) of whatever food that’s up for grabs – whether it’s due to my blood sugar levels in the moment or because I simply don’t want the free bagels or leftover cookies from Panera. Whatever direction I might oscillate in, I take comfort in knowing that first and foremost, it’s okay to help myself to indulgences as long as I bolus responsibly, to the best of my ability, for them. I’m still working on not beating myself up for it when I don’t nail the bolus and pay the consequences in the form of high blood sugar, but at least I can say that I know myself well enough to know that this is an issue of mine.

Self-control is just a small puzzle piece in the broader diabetes management picture. It’s a component that’s worth considering in many different contexts, certainly, but it’s more about knowing where it fits in with all the other pieces and finding acceptance in the fact that it might not always stay at the same levels – just like my actual blood sugar.

T1D and “Inspired” Food Choices

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There’s no doubt that T1D directly affects my relationship with food.

Sometimes, I eat whatever I want with zero guilt. Other times, I painstakingly count not just the carbs, but every single macro of any morsel that meets my mouth. And more often than not, I fall somewhere between those two extremes.

But no matter what, my relationship with food is exhausting and probably one of the most inconsistent relationships I’ve ever had in my entire life.

It’s also a relationship that causes me to make what I’m calling “inspired” food choices.

Diabetes certainly impacts my food choices…especially when it comes to blood-sugar spikers like pizza, pasta, waffles, cake, and more.

Choices like eating dessert before dinner because my blood sugar is low.

Choices like only eating low- or no-carb foods because my blood sugar is high.

Choices like timing my meals down to the minute because I know that my body functions best when I eat regularly.

Choices like keeping snacks in my purse, my overnight bags, my car, and miscellaneous other locations because I never know when I might need food on the fly.

Choices like restricting my eating because a low blood sugar made me binge on food one day, and the guilt carried over to the next day.

Maybe “inspired” isn’t the right word to describe my food choices here. There’s so many more that could apply: weird, strategic, healthy, unhealthy…the list is limitless.

Just like the number of “inspired” food choices that my diabetes triggers.

Good, bad, and everything in between, though, the first step in making changes to my relationship with food is acknowledging the flaws in it. While I admit that I’m not sure what the next step is, I do know that I’m feeling determined to finally establish a guilt-free relationship with food.

Diabetes already takes too much from me…I refuse to let it continue to make my relationship with food negative.

The Impact of Diabetes on My Relationship with Food

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There’s no cutesy lead-in to this post…I’m going with a very straightforward statement here:

Diabetes has caused me to have a very weird and strained relationship with food.

How? Oh, let me count the ways…

Diabetes has positively impacted my relationship with food because it has helped me understand the importance of nutrition. I’ve had to learn how carbohydrates, proteins, and fats affect my levels, as well as the role that the glycemic index of foods play into the picture. I’m also grateful that diabetes has caused me to realize there are limits – I can’t mindlessly eat huge quantities of food (though on occasion I do, more on that in a minute). I must measure everything out, and I believe that this forced sense of portion control has helped me maintain a (mostly) healthy weight.

But diabetes has also, absolutely, negatively impacted my relationship with food.

Here’s pretend cartoon me, being absolutely adorable as she calmly whips up a feast in the kitchen (LOL there’s so much wrong about that sentence)!!!

For starters, I can get so fed-up with having to account for every single morsel I consume in a given day – I resent having to take insulin for foods I’d otherwise find enjoyable. Plus, there’s a lot of guilt associated with my regular food consumption. “Should you eat that?” is question I hear not just from others, but from myself as I have to think about whether certain foods are worth not just the calories, but also the amount of insulin that I have to dose for it. And don’t even get me started on how literally unsavory it is to have to eat food when I’m already full but dealing with a low blood sugar…

In a word, my relationship with food is complicated…and I don’t hesitate to blame my diabetes for that. Don’t get me wrong: At the end of the day, I loooooooove food. Really, there’s very few things that I don’t (or won’t) eat or at least try. I enjoy consuming a large variety of foods and I like to eat veggies almost as much as I like eating chocolate (that may be a bit of a stretch, but I think you get my point).

It’s just unfortunate that my diabetes forces me to overthink every food choice that I make. So I’m that much more hopeful for the day which I can eat food without having to think twice about it, without having to feel guilt, shame, doubt, anger, sadness…nothing but pure enjoyment.