You Should Feel Empowered to Advocate for Yourself and Your Diabetes

This was the message conveyed to me after one of the best endocrinology appointments I’ve ever had, at least in my adulthood.

I’ll confess that I was nervous going to my first endo appointment of the new year. I didn’t know what to expect as I wasn’t bringing any specific concerns with me – besides the fact that I was upset about a conversation I’d had with a different doctor regarding a separate issue.

After the nurse practitioner and I exchanged pleasantries, she sat down at the computer screen that was displaying my record and asked me what I wanted to discuss during our appointment.

That’s when it all came flooding out.

I babbled about how I didn’t have anything in particular I wanted to talk to her about besides the fact that I got a very discouraging message from a doctor who told me I needed to have better control over my diabetes, and that this was infuriating to me because 1) not all of my health concerns can be blamed on my diabetes and 2) it was disheartening to be told by one subset of my health care team that I’m doing great with an A1c of around 7, but to hear from another subset that I’m not doing great and need to work harder. Once I finished my train of thought, I braced myself for a less-than-favorable reaction.

But that’s not what I got.

I’m really glad that nobody walked into the exam room as I was taking goofy selfies like this.

Rather, my NP asked me to explain my concerns in greater detail. She sat, listened, and told me that she disagreed with the comments from my other doctor’s office. It was validating to hear someone who actually does work in diabetes reassure me that, for starters, my diabetes might not necessarily be to blame for any other health issues I was experiencing. She also made me feel better about my A1c and that my track record proves how hard I’ve worked over the years to maintain a 7 (or below) and that it’s not indicative at all of a lack of control over anything.

Best of all, when I sheepishly admitted to her that I’d been embarrassed to write in about the health concern in question, she reminded me that I should always feel empowered to advocate for myself and my overall wellness. It was an incredibly powerful message for her to convey to me, seeing as my self-doubt had manifested itself in full-force over this whole interaction with the doctor’s office. And it’s a message that I plan to carry with me to future doctor’s appointments to help ensure that I do stay on top of my health to the fullest extent possible, while also making my voice heard.

At the end of the appointment, my NP turned and said to me that I’m an inspiration. While I don’t exactly agree with her words, I can’t remember the last time I left an appointment feeling truly understood as a patient living with type 1 diabetes. That’s what’s inspiring to me…the fact that a physician took the time to recognize the hard work it takes to live everyday life with T1D. And the discovery that my A1c has dropped by .3 to a level that I’m very proud to have reached – well, that’s the cherry on top of my first endocrinology visit of 2022.

“You Need to Have Better Control”

I read those six words, all strung together in a terse message from my doctor’s office.

Not exactly the response I was anticipating when I reached out to them to express concerns over a minor health issue I was experiencing…

Let me back up a bit. In early January, I decided to message one of my doctor’s to discuss said minor health issue. A week went by and I didn’t hear anything from them, so I sent them another message, reminding them gently that I was hoping for a reply sooner rather than later. Several more days pass by and I start to get annoyed, but I still keep everything in perspective: Maybe they’re understaffed at the moment. Perhaps a computer error prevented them from getting my messages. Or they might be just crazy busy with beginning-of-the-year appointments and responsibilities. Whatever the case may be, I decided to message one more time, drawing attention to the fact that my first message had been sent two weeks prior and that if I didn’t hear back by the end of the week, then I’d just call the office to hopefully connect with a nurse.

Luckily, it didn’t come down to that because within 48 hours of me sending that third message, I finally heard back from someone. And this someone said something that left me a bit gobsmacked:

“…with an A1c of 7 – you need to be better with your control.”

Life with diabetes often feels like this image – like you’re the only one in the control room of a command center that dictates whether or not you live. And yep, it’s exhausting.

I couldn’t believe what I’d just read, for multiple reasons. For starters, I’d mentioned in my first message that I *think* my A1c was right around 7, but I couldn’t be sure because it’s been a bit since I last had my A1c checked. So clearly, by reading the response from my doctor, nobody had gone in to check my records or look up my historical A1c – which may or may not have provided them with better context so they could answer my question better, but that’s besides the point. What had me most irate was the fact that I’ve been told – time and time again – that I’m doing a great job with an A1c around 7. I’ve had endos and nurse practitioners alike tell me that I don’t need to make any major changes and that I’m too hard on myself when I express a desire to get a lower A1c. So to have a completely different medical professional make a snap judgment right then and there that implies I do not have control over my A1c is obviously in direct conflict with what I’ve heard from others. How maddening is that?

Furthermore…I’m sorry, but A1c does not paint a complete picture of my “control”. I believe, along with many other people in the diabetes community (including medical professionals) that time in range is where it’s at. The amount of time I spend in range is leaps and bounds better than where I was in college – and honestly, so is my A1c.

This is why it’s incredibly frustrating to me that this person handled my health issue as though it was directly related to my diabetes and their perception of my lack of control. The three-sentence, curt reply to my initial message didn’t exactly help matters either, though I’m trying to not read too much into that…after all, you can’t gauge tone via written message.

I’ve decided the best way to handle this whole exchange is to bring my issue up again when I see this doctor later in the year. I’m not going to reply in the message thread, because I don’t see how that would cause any good, but I will bring this up when I go to see the nurse practitioner at my endocrinologist’s office at the end of this month. While she likely can’t fully help me address my health concern, she’s bound to provide me with some insight and some actual helpful advice that won’t involve her jumping to conclusions about my control. We’ll see how it goes.

For now, I will just have to try to keep my head held up high by taking control of the situation, if not my diabetes.

Adding Yet Another Doctor to my Diabetes Care Team…

As a person with diabetes, I see (what feels like) a ton of doctors. It’s probably not that many more compared to most people, but in addition to seeing doctors like a primary care physician and a dentist, I also see an ophthalmologist (eye care specialist), an endocrinologist (my diabetes doctor), an allergist, and a mental health professional.

But recently, one more doctor got added to that list: a podiatrist.

A podiatrist has become the newest member of my diabetes care team.

I wrote about how the nurse practitioner at my endocrinologist’s office promised to hook me up with a referral to a podiatrist in this blog post. Long story short, I voiced my concerns to her over the calluses on my feet, and she suggested I see a podiatrist so I could get an expert’s opinion on whether or not they were something to be worried about.

Fortunately, my first meeting with the podiatrist went well as I was assured that my calluses aren’t anything to stress over…but that initial appointment turned into a series of follow-ups (I’ll be seeing him every six months) as I learned that the podiatrist wanted me to start wearing orthotics to support pronation in my feet that I never realized I had. The doctor advised me to come back every six months so the degenerative changes in my feet can continue to be monitored, even though he was very pleased to see in my X-rays that the overall health of the bones in both feet is good.

Naturally, I had mixed feelings regarding the outcome of my first two appointments with the podiatrist.

On the one hand, I was happy to hear that my diabetes wasn’t creating any complications (beyond poor circulation – my feet are always cold and according to the podiatrist, this is due to Raynaud’s). Nerve damage is always something that I fear and I was genuinely frightened that the doctor was going to tell me that I was beginning to show signs of diabetic neuropathy in my feet. Obviously, I’m so relieved that this isn’t the case.

On the other hand, I was bummed to hear that his recommendation was to wear orthotics. Orthotics? Before I’m 30?! I guess it’s just the connotation of the word (it conjures up images of elderly folks hobbling around on canes and wearing special-made sneakers to support unsteady gaits) that’s got me rattled. I never realized that my tendency to walk around on my tippy-toes was due to the way my foot is shaped…but honestly, if wearing orthotics in my shoes now will help prevent or delay hip and knee pain later on in life, then I’ll quit complaining and just get on with it, even though it means I’ve got another doctor to see semi-regularly now.

An Endo Update

So I’ve got an update on my whole I-haven’t-seen-my-endocrinologist-in-8-months situation.

It’s not exactly the update I was hoping for, but it’s one that I believe just might push me into making some positive change around my diabetes care.

As it turns out, my endocrinologist is on leave and not taking appointments until February 2022, at the earliest.

What’s even crazier than that February 2022 wait time? The fact that I haven’t been at an in-person endo appointment since 2019.

I found this out after contacting her office and receiving a message back that I could either wait until that time to see her, or I could schedule an appointment with a doctor at a different location that the office would suggest to me.

At first, I wasn’t sure what the right move was. I was almost certain that I couldn’t (and shouldn’t) wait another 4 months to see someone about my diabetes; after all, I’ve been unhappy with my management for most of this year. But even though I have been similarly unhappy about my relationship with my current endo (it’s practically nonexistent), I admit that I felt fear over the prospect of seeing someone new because any other provider would only know me based on the information available to them in my records. In other words, they would only know me based on numbers, not based on who I am and my personal diabetes management style/beliefs.

So I sat on this news for a few days as I pondered whether or not to take this as a sign that it’s time for me to find a new permanent endo, despite the mere thought being incredibly daunting to me.

During my pondering period, I happened to get a call from my endo’s office that wound up making my mind up for me.

They called to let me know about an available appointment with the nurse practitioner who works closely with my endo – an appointment that I could get this week.

I hesitated for a moment (I really hadn’t anticipated getting an appointment before the end of the month) before agreeing to take the open slot. And I’m glad that’s what I decided to do, because 1) at least I can talk to someone about what I think I’m lacking in terms of my current diabetes management; 2) I might end up getting some quality advice that will redeem my endo’s office in my eyes; and 3) even if I don’t see eye to eye with this person, it will be the push I need to start actively pursuing a new endo that will more closely match my diabetes care style.

We’ll see what happens.

My First Virtual Endocrinologist Appointment

My first-ever virtual endocrinologist appointment – and my first one of 2021 – took place last week. I’m going to sum it up list-style, because who doesn’t love a good bullet-point list?

  • It was strange. I didn’t think I would be weirded out by having my endocrinologist “in” my home, but it was freakin’ bizarre to see her face show up on the monitor that I do my day job from, that happens to live on a desk in my bedroom.
  • I had to wait to see my doctor. It took almost 10 minutes for me to receive my pre-appointment check-in call, and another five before my doctor actually joined. That felt normal.
  • We made a single change to my pump settings in the whole appointment. She suggested a solitary tweak to my correction factor. I’m not sure I agree with said change, but we’ll see how I feel about it over time.
Look, it’s actually me in the virtual waiting room! Smirking at the camera and everything! Thank goodness my doctor didn’t join at this moment…
  • My lab results were barely discussed. My doc mentioned that my cholesterol was a little higher than it was last time, and I unabashedly told her that this was probably because I hit the drink somewhat harder than I used to in the past (sorry not sorry, I like wine). I brought up my A1c and I said I was proud of myself for achieving it, and she just nodded, otherwise disregarding this data point.
  • We figured out which prescriptions I needed. When she asked about my supplies, I explained to her that Dexcom is no longer shipping sensors and transmitters to me directly and they want me to use another supplier called Byram (more on that in a future post). I asked if she could send my prescription to my regular mail-order pharmacy instead, and she obliged, telling me to double-check on the script in a few days to make sure it would go through properly.
  • It was just as short as they typically are. The whole damn appointment lasted only 15 minutes and 2 seconds…and we talked about me/my diabetes, specifically, for fewer than 5 minutes. We spent the rest of the time discussing our collective confusion over my COVID vaccine eligibility and my frustration over my postponed physical. It was both gratifying and dismaying to discover that she couldn’t understand why the state of Massachusetts considers me ineligible to receive the vaccine until the third (final) distribution phase, but I’m hoping that will change soon.
  • She wants to see me again in 6-7 months. My doctor ended the appointment by asking me to schedule an appointment in the August/September range, which seems so far away. I let her know I’d schedule it at a later date for a couple of reasons, one being that I have no clue whether I’ll want to go in person or do it virtually again, and another being that I really don’t know that I want to keep her as my endo.

That just about covers it. I’m not the happiest patient in the world – I’ve been uncertain about this doctor since I started seeing her – but for realsies, I’m glad that I trusted my instincts and requested a virtual appointment instead of an in-person one.

The drive would’ve been longer than the visit, and for me, that just doesn’t make it worth it.

A Postponed Physical and the Resulting Questions

“Molly, we’re calling to inform you that your 10 A.M. appointment for this Thursday has been canceled. We still aren’t taking patients in the office and we won’t be rescheduling you until April. Please give us a call back so we can set up a new appointment time.”

I listened to the voicemail twice before it sank in that my primary care doctor’s office was calling me to postpone my annual physical.

Why, exactly, did it get postponed? And how do I feel about it?

My doctor’s office called me two days before I was scheduled to come in…leaving me to also wonder why such short notice of the cancellation?

Well, I can only theorize the answer to the first question. I’m certain that my doctor’s office is absolutely overwhelmed with phone calls and appointments…and they’ve probably been like that for the past year or so. I’m guessing that they’re only keeping appointments with higher-priority patients that absolutely need to be seen…someone like me, a pretty healthy (discounting my diabetes) and younger individual, is likely not very high on the list of patients they want to see. Plus, even though I know they’re doing virtual appointments for medical questions as they come up, there probably is no purpose in doing a virtual physical because there’s only so much they can do via video call. So I get the postponement, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.

My annual physical is the doctor’s appointment for me, the one that I have each year that I know won’t be a total waste of time. Each year, I get my blood work and urinalysis completed at this appointment, as well as an EKG to monitor my heart. I also get to go over any general health concerns I have with my PCP, who is very thorough when explaining things to me. During this particular visit, I’d hoped to talk about (what I believe to be) the stress-induced hives I’ve experienced in the last month, but now it sounds like I won’t have the chance to do that until April.

But I’m also wondering…when I go to the appointment in April, will I receive my COVID vaccine then, too?

I messaged the doctor’s office to find out and learned…nothing helpful:

I believe by that time you should qualify for the vaccine so you should be able to get it. This of course depends on if the state has given us the vaccine. We will know soon about that and will be sending information to all our patients. 

Uhh…according to the multi-phase vaccine plan outlined by the state of Massachusetts, I should be eligible for the vaccine prior to April. (But quite frankly, the whole phase plan has been a bit of a hot mess. I’m just glad to have 2 out of 4 immediate family members vaccinated at this point.) And the “if” there? Definitely unsettling.

I have so many questions: Can they postpone again in April? When will they be able to tell us more information about the vaccine? Do they think that it’s safer to wait in April because there will hopefully be more vaccinated individuals overall then? Or are they actually worried about vaccine distribution and don’t want to clue anyone into that?

So I feel not-so-awesome about having to wait three more months to check in with my PCP. I take my overall health very seriously, not just my diabetes. One thing has everything to do with the other. However, I do have a virtual appointment with my endocrinologist in a few weeks…maybe that will be the health check-in that I’m desiring?

I’m not banking on it, but I’m hopeful.

An Enjoyable Eye Exam

I think I just had the best doctor’s appointment of my life (so far).

And the most incredible part about that statement? This was my very first appointment with this particular doctor and she absolutely nailed it. I’m almost bummed that I only have to see her annually…

Let me back up a bit. This doctor is my new ophthalmologist (eye care specialist). I switched to her because I’d seen my previous one for just about my entire life, and while he was unquestionably an excellent and knowledgeable doctor, we had some…personality clashes that made my yearly visits with him not so great. It wasn’t like we had a breaking point or anything during my last appointment with him, I just decided that now was the time to make the switch to someone else.

So I did. In August, I contacted the new doctor’s office and set up an appointment. I also wrote to my old doctor and requested the last few years’ worth of notes to be faxed to the new doctor. I’d never written a formal letter like that before, but I kept it short, sweet, and professional by informing him that I’d be seeing a new doctor, providing him with her location and fax number, and thanking him for taking great care of me over the years.

An Enjoyable eye exam
I totally snagged this picture of the exam equipment during the few minutes I was in the room alone. 

Making the switch was as simple as those steps – I had nothing else to do but show up for my appointment on September 1.

When I arrived to the office, I took note of all the social distancing protocol in place. There were only a dozen or so chairs spread out throughout the waiting room. There were dividers in place and stickers on the floor to mark six or more feet apart from the next person in line. The receptionist took my temperature with a contact-less thermometer and of course, nobody was allowed into the area without a mask.

Pleased with the careful measurements the office had taken, I waited for a few minutes before being called into an exam room. A nurse gave me a brief exam and had me read an eye chart using my current glasses prescription, then she dilated my eyes before leaving to go get the doctor.

Within a couple minutes, the doctor entered…and it was nonstop chatter from the moment she came in to the moment I left the practice. Her bubbly energy was infectious and it was obvious I was speaking to someone who truly loves her job. She let me know straightaway that her son is also a T1D right around my age, so she’s more than familiar with every facet of caring for it (with, of course, a special focus on eye health).

We talked a little about everything from insulin pumps, careers, CGMs, my broken bone (she was rocking a brace on her foot, so we shared a laugh over our injuries), and our studies in college. And yes, eventually we did get to the eye exam component, which took barely 60 seconds. She exclaimed with enthusiasm over my “gorgeous” eye health and told me that she is a T1D cheerleader, meaning she recognizes how hard we work to take the best possible care of ourselves.

Absolutely amazing, right?!

The appointment ended with me mentioning my appearance in Dexcom G6 advertisements, and she requested that I send her a clip via email. I did so shortly after I got home, and received the loveliest response back:

“You are spectacular. See you next year!”

I swear, I’ve never left a doctor’s appointment feeling so wonderful about myself. It’s a credit to all physicians like this one, who are passionate about what they do, happy to really engage with patients, and demonstrate in-depth knowledge of medicine and the human body.

A Dis-Appointment: My Experience at the Endocrinologist

Welp, I had my appointment with my endocrinologist on Monday.

In sum, it was mostly an uneventful affair, considering the times.

Immediately upon arriving, I was asked to put on a clinic-provided mask and to sanitize my hands. I checked in with the receptionist and sat in a chair in the mostly-abandoned waiting area, taking in the fact that seating was reduced in order to maintain social distance.

A nurse came out to bring me into my exam room and she took my blood pressure (good) and my weight (let’s not talk about it) before leaving to get my doctor. I was slightly surprised that she didn’t check my temperature with a contact-less thermometer, but I decided not to second-guess it.

My endocrinologist entered soon after…and she spent all of 15 minutes with me. She said that she reviewed the information I sent her from my Dexcom, as well as data from my pump, and said she couldn’t really detect any patterns besides some lingering lows in the late mornings/early afternoons. Again, I found myself a bit bemused by this observation, because I hadn’t picked up on it. She decided to adjust my basal for the 11 A.M. to 1 P.M. window (I went from 0.9 to 0.8 units for those two hours) and then asked me if I had any questions.

She didn’t check my feet, listen to my heart, examine my thyroid, or review my labs with me…all things that I’ve come to expect from previous endocrinologists.

My mild shocks of surprise from earlier in the appointment turned into something else: As the kids say, I was SHOOK…meaning that it was absolutely wild to me that she was already done with me.

A Dis-Appointment_ My Experience at the Endocrinologist
Am I smiling or frowning underneath this mask? Given how my endocrinologist appointment went, I bet you can guess…

I expressed my dismay with my A1c – it had gone up a little bit – and she told me that I was “still under good control”.

I said that I was befuddled by my weight gain – I’ve been working out like a fiend the last couple of months – and she suggested that perhaps it’s muscle.

I asked if she could recommend any blood sugar meters to me – I’ve had the same one for practically a decade and I worry about its accuracy – and she said that I should try a new meter from the same manufacturer that’s supposed to hit the market “soon”.

For every question or concern I brought up in that short span of time, she had an immediate, unsatisfactory answer that made me feel like my concerns were being brushed away.

But the real kicker? I’m not seeing her again for another seven months.

SEVEN MONTHS?!

That’s right, folks. I went from having quarterly endocrinologist appointments for my first 22 years of life with diabetes to once every six months, and now in SEVEN months.

This means that I will have seen my endocrinologist once for the entire year of 2020.

That’s bananas to me, and a sign that my instincts from our first meeting were correct: This may not be the right doctor for me. I have no doubt of her intelligence or capability, but sometimes you just know when a given doctor-patient relationship isn’t the healthiest one for you.

The whole appointment – the brevity, the indifference, and the outcome – was almost enough to make me forget about my anxieties surrounding medical facilities during this pandemic…

…almost.

Luckily, that’s what face masks, Clorox wipes, several squirts of hand sanitizer, and a thorough hand-washing or five are for.

A Source of Toe-tal Stress

I don’t like horror stories.

I’m not big on scary things, in general (besides Halloween…I love dressing up)…but horror stories, in the form of tales told ’round the campfire or in media such as television or film, have never been my cup of tea. Probably because I’m a giant scaredy-cat, but I digress.

My disdain for horror doesn’t mean I’ve been able to successfully avoid it over the years. I’ve traipsed through my share of haunted houses, watched countless scary movies (with my hands over my eyes for a good portion of all films), and listened to spooky ghost stories.

The scariest story of all that I’ve heard over and over again has to do with…

Diabetes. And feet. Without going into more detail – because I’m shuddering at the mere thought – diabetes complications could lead to, um, amputations.

I’m not trying to make light of a very serious subject here: Let me be crystal clear when I say that diabetes complications are real and terrible, I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. They also frighten me so much that I tend to avoid blogging or even talking about them altogether. The slightest blur in my vision or tingling in my toes can send waves of panic through my brain that are so intense that I convince myself that I’m experiencing my first diabetes complications.

So when I discovered a cut on my toe several weeks ago, I couldn’t help but totally freak out, especially when I noticed blood around the site.

Need help_ (1)
As a person with diabetes, you’d never catch me barefoot and surrounded by all those rocks. OUCH.

For most people, a cut on the toe sounds like no big deal – you just put some antibiotic cream on it, wrap a Band-Aid around it, and let it heal. But for someone like me who has diabetes, a little cut triggers fears of serious issues like cellulitis or other infections that could lead to major problems.

It might sound ridiculous, but in the first couple days after I noticed my cut (it was a bit like a split in my skin), I had horrifying visions of my toe turning black and falling off. I became hyper-aware of every sensation I could and couldn’t feel in that area, and when I felt a slight stinging around the area a few times, I imagined that it meant that my days with all of my toes were numbered.

Was it silly for me to jump to such dramatic conclusions? Probably. Was I being paranoid? Definitely. But my overactive imagination was enough to convince me to at least consult my primary care physician about the matter.

I’m glad that I did. Over a two-week span, I had two virtual appointments with my doctor who took my concerns seriously. I described the issues and he gave me advice as to how to treat the cut (stop putting Neosporin and a Band-Aid around it each day, let it breathe, use a nail file to very gently proximate the wound, make sure I wear socks and shoes for all forms of exercise to better protect my feet). He agreed with my overarching concern: to heal it in order to prevent it from getting worse.

My toe is doing much better now, and after all that, I feel a bit (okay, a lot) sheepish that I made such a big deal about it in my head when I initially spotted the split in my skin. But in life with diabetes, everything related to my health has to be taken seriously, even if it means dealing with an added source of toe-tal stress.

 

First Impressions: How I Feel About my New Endocrinologist

Last week, I wrote about how I had an appointment with my first new endocrinologist in about 10 years. I compared my thoughts and feelings about the whole thing to a first date: Many of the same anxieties are felt in both situations.

By now, I’m sure you’re wondering…how did the date go?

Well…I don’t know that there will be another one.

Freedom is the atmosphere in which humanity thrives. Breathe it in.
This blog post serves as a bit of an endocrinologist evaluation.

Before I dive into my appointment postscript, let me just clarify that my thoughts and feelings are just that. They’re my opinions on how my experience was with this particular doctor. That doesn’t mean that she isn’t a great endocrinologist; in fact, I’m certain she is. But I just don’t think that we are doctor-patient soulmates.

For starters, the appointment got off to a weird start because none of my typical vital signs were measured upon arrival. I’m used to having my weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, temperature, and heart rate checked at the beginning of every appointment. But this time around, the only thing that was looked at was my…blood pressure? It was kind of random, and I never got an explanation as to why nothing else was looked at by the nurse, but whatever.

The actual appointment with the doctor herself mostly went as I expected it to. We spent about 20 minutes together (about 5 minutes longer than I usually get with the endo) and I told her a little bit about my diabetes history. She offered me some advice on what to do about the high blood sugars my new inhaler was causing (more on that in another post) and checked my feet as well as my thyroid, just like my previous endo did at every appointment. But she did not check my eyes, and she also…did not review my A1c with me.

This was pretty huge, though not totally unexpected. I knew this clinic didn’t have finger stick A1c machines like the previous clinic did, and that I would have to come to the lab at another point in time to get a current A1c reading. But it was surprising to me that she just glossed over it, like it wasn’t super important at that moment. She didn’t even review my Dexcom/OmniPod/Verio IQ meter graphs with me, despite having downloaded information from all three devices. However, these weren’t the most shocking parts of the appointment.

What caught me off-guard the most is when she said that I could come back in six months instead of my usual three.

In my 22 years with diabetes, I’ve gone to see my endocrinologist every three months, no matter what. Some of these appointments were more like maintenance checks to make sure I was on track with everything, but other appointments came at crucial times for me in terms of improving my diabetes management. I asked the new doc why six months instead of three, and she said something along the lines of…

“Well, it seems like you have everything under pretty good control. And you seem in-tune enough with your body to know to contact us with any questions.”

That latter statement is true, but the former…I don’t know about that. How could she have this impression after talking with me for a mere 20 minutes? It was mildly alarming. I probably could’ve pushed for another appointment in three months, but I got the distinct feeling that I would’ve been rejected had I done so. As a result, I walked out of the clinic that day with another appointment set for July and a feeling of unease settling in the pit of my stomach.

I don’t know that I can wait that long to see an endocrinologist, and I don’t even know if I’ll want to see the same person again. I have no idea how she’d be able to remember me, for goodness’ sake, especially given the brevity of our first and only meeting (so far).

Among all these unknowns, there’s one absolute truth: I miss my old endo.