Tag: diabetes diagnosis

The Best Laid Plans

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You know what they say with the best laid plans…

…something always goes awry with them. It doesn’t matter how meticulously pre-calculated they are, or when/where they take place – sometimes, they just aren’t meant to be.

Such was the case with my Christmas plans this year. (And a partial reason why I’ve fallen behind on my twice-per-week blog posts.)

I know, I know – I had written a whole blog post about how I was going to spend Christmas, particularly Christmas Eve, celebrating my diaversary in the company of my loved ones. And I did…sort of. Except it was just one loved one, who unfortunately had tested positive for it-shall-not-be-named just a day before.

Even though he was entirely asymptomatic – and I was testing negative with at-home test kits and a PCR test conducted by my primary care doctor – we decided it was best to stay away from others and skip out on our highly anticipated Christmas Eve plans with my family. It was pretty devastating, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t count my blessings over the situation. First of all, my partner was feeling great (seriously, it was a completely different experience compared to what we both dealt with when we fell ill with the same condition this past spring) and I was on the road to recovery from a mild head cold I’d been dealing with. Second, we were still able to make the most of the holiday by going for a ride around town to see lights in the neighborhood and ordering sushi to feast upon at home while watching Christmas movies. It was an enjoyable way to spend the holiday, but I definitely missed my family and was a bit heartbroken I couldn’t see all my relatives as I’ve done my entire life, every Christmas Eve.

The only thing missing from the whole ordeal – besides my loved ones, of course – was that I didn’t think about my major diabetes milestone of officially living with diabetes for 25 years, not once, throughout the entire day. My mind was far too preoccupied. But now, in hindsight, it’s serving as additional proof to me that diabetes isn’t always at the front and center of my mind. Sometimes, there are things that take precedence over it. And honestly, that’s a pretty cool thought for me to hold onto, especially on the days where it seems like diabetes is determined to ruin everything for me.

It’s only in charge when I allow it to be. I have ultimate control. I can’t think of a better message to be driven home to me on my 25th diaversary (rather, in the days following my diaversary).

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25 Years

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This Christmas Eve marks 25 years since I was diagnosed with diabetes.

25 years feels like a significant milestone – and that’s because it is. Diabetes has been my “normal” for that entire length of time; I don’t remember what it’s like to live free from its burden.

I accepted that long ago, but still experience some sadness and bitterness over it from time to time. Can you blame me? There are times when I find myself envious of people with diabetes who were diagnosed later in life and have memories that remain entirely unimpacted by diabetes, but when I find myself getting swept up in morose emotions, I ground myself by remembering that (as trite as it may seem) everything happens for a reason. My diabetes story has taken very deliberate twists and turns, whether or not I was aware of them when they were happening. Each and every challenge, all the emotions, and the many experiences and relationships it has brought into my life were bound to happen, and I’m glad that they did because they’ve made me who I am today.

And today, just a few days shy of officially celebrating my quarter-century diabetes diagnosis, I find myself once again being so happy that it’s happening on a day that I will be around so many of my loved ones. I say it every year, but having my diaversary on a major holiday makes the celebration that much more special to me. The day is always more about spending time with my family than it is about diabetes. Instead of sadness, I feel joy in the reminder that diabetes can’t and won’t overshadow Christmas or any other day for that matter.

So here’s to 25 years of a life enriched and uninhibited by diabetes – and many more to come.

My 24th Diaversary

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My 24th diaversary shall be known as…the one I almost forgot.

My diaversary, which falls on Christmas Eve, has never been something that I actually actively celebrate because I’m always too busy celebrating the holiday season with my family. And that’s exactly what happened this year: I was living in the gift of Christmas present (there’s a pun in there, I know) rather than reflecting on that fateful one 24 years ago.

My 24th year of living with diabetes…my, how time flies when you’ve got a broken pancreas and robot parts on the outside of your body.

It feels fitting, really, that I didn’t remember my diaversary until a couple weeks after it came and went, because this Christmas Eve was extra special in a different way. It was the first significant holiday since the pandemic hit that my entire family could be together. And I mean my entire family – I saw both my mothers’ side and my fathers’ side, and even my big brother was able to come home from Nashville for the week. So I was spending the holidays really rejoicing in the fact that we were all able to safely see one another for the first time since Christmas 2019, rather than dwelling on my diabetes diagnosis.

After all, it’s the people who surround me that make something like diabetes manageable. My supporters – family, friends, partner, dogs – are the ones who motivate me when I’m experiencing diabetes burnout. They’re the ones who let me cry on their shoulders when diabetes is too much. They’re the ones who high-five every diabetes triumph that I experience. They’re the ones who remind me that my life is not defined by diabetes (despite how much I talk about it). So with that in mind, I can get behind doing what I did this diaversary: celebrating them instead of my diabetes for every Christmas Eve to come.

Why I Wouldn’t Change the Age at which I Was Diagnosed with Diabetes

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If I could cure diabetes for myself, my mom, my aunt, and all other people living with it, I would in a heartbeat, no question.

Unfortunately, I don’t have that capability, so I can’t change the fact that diabetes exists. Another thing I can’t change is that I was only four years old when I was diagnosed with it.

But let’s talk in hypotheticals here for a moment: If I could change the age that I was diagnosed, would I? Why or why not?

The answer is a resounding no, and here’s why.

I grew up with my diabetes. I don’t remember life before it. I don’t recall a time in my life in which I was finger-prick free or able to eat whichever foods whenever I wanted.

That might sound sort of depressing, but for me, it’s better that way.

See, little Molly clearly didn’t care about having diabetes – I was way too into my horsey to care about that!

I never have to long for the “before times”. I never have to look back on a time in my life that was hard because diabetes rudely interrupted it, causing a swift, drastic change to my daily routine. By the time I was old enough to start really recalling specific events, I already had diabetes. As far as I’m concerned, it’s always just been a part of me.

Some might argue that it’s “better” (imagine that I’m air-quoting that because it’s never better to have diabetes) to be diagnosed with something as life-altering as diabetes in adulthood, or at least in the teenage years, because comprehension of what it is, exactly, is stronger. I’d imagine that the adaptation of new technologies is easier, too, seeing as teenagers/older individuals tend to pick up on these things faster than, say, a toddler that is needing to learn how to safely use an insulin pump.

But for me, it’s been good to learn about diabetes as I’ve matured. As a kid, I just knew it was the thing that prevented me from eating certain foods at certain times, and that I needed my parents’ help at mealtimes in order to calculate carb intake and bolus amounts. As a teen, I started to actually learn the science behind diabetes in various classes I took throughout high school, and expanded on that knowledge in college by taking a nutrition course that taught me all about the glycemic index and how that impacts blood sugar. And as an adult, I’ve been able to make informed choices regarding the use of insulin pumps, CGMs, and other matters of that nature that require some research and understanding.

And more important than anything else…being diagnosed with diabetes at 4 years old had zero impact on my quality of life. I had a wonderful childhood and all the credit goes to my parents, who made sure that I was raised knowing that diabetes couldn’t stop me from doing anything. I know they would’ve handled a potential diabetes diagnosis later on in my life with an equal amount of grace and strength, but the fact that I grew up with it meant that we all, as a family, grew up with it as a normal part of our lives.

So even though I’ll never be okay in the traditional sense of the word that I have diabetes, I am okay with getting diagnosed as a little kid.

Don’t Feel Sorry About My Diabetes

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This blog post was originally published on December 17, 2018 at Hugging the Cactus. I decided to repost it today because this is something that will ALWAYS be relevant – in fact, someone just said to me earlier this month that they are sorry I have diabetes! I wish people would stop apologizing for something that nobody can change, and something I accepted long ago…read on for more about why I never want people to feel sorry for me because I have diabetes.

Today’s blog post is going to be short and sweet, and about a subject that I think every person with diabetes deals with whenever they tell someone new about their diabetes.

It doesn’t matter how diabetes comes up in conversation. Whether it’s in a joking, serious, educational, happy, sad, or angry manner, the person I’m talking to almost always says…

“I’m sorry.”

I’m not sorry that I have diabetes, so you shouldn’t be, either.

Sometimes, I think it’s because society has instilled this weird reflex in people to apologize for something that they didn’t do. Other times, I think it’s because people just don’t know how else to respond to something that may be sobering or grounded in reality. But the simple fact of the matter is…

People need to stop apologizing to me, and other people with diabetes, for having it.

Here’s why:

  1. It doesn’t make sense.
  2. We weren’t given a choice – it’s a simple truth that we’ve learned to accept.
  3. It makes me feel strange, because it’s almost like the other person is taking accountability for my diabetes.
  4. I believe that human beings apologize too much, in general, and it diminishes apologies when they matter most or are most sincere.
  5. I’m not sorry that I have diabetes, so why should someone else be?

While I genuinely empathize with and appreciate people who apologize as a knee-jerk response, I’m just here to gently tell them that it isn’t necessary. Save “I’m sorry” for times that it’s warranted, and not for something like having diabetes, a matter in which no one has a choice.

My 22nd Diaversary

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Tomorrow is Christmas Eve (already) and it just so happens that it’s also my diabetes diagnosis anniversary…or “diaversary,” as it’s colloquially known.

This means that tomorrow marks 22 years of living with diabetes.

For some, that might mean I should celebrate with a cupcake or another special, carb-y treat. And I probably will, because it’s Christmas Eve and sweets are sure to be bountiful at any gatherings I attend tomorrow. But I don’t really plan to do so with my diaversary in mind; for me, it’s the holiday that’s got me in a more festive mood than the fact that my diabetes is 22.

I don’t really know how to feel about this diaversary. My feelings last year about my 21st were very clear: I was down in the dumps about it. I was desperate for a break. And I really didn’t say much more beyond that.

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If you were me, would you do anything special to celebrate 22 years of diabetes?

This year is a little different. I feel the same as last year in that I would do anything for just a single day off from diabetes, but also…I guess I’ve just learned to embrace the routine of it?

I dunno. My relationship with diabetes is always going to be a bit of a roller coaster, just as my blood sugar can sometimes be. I’ll have my highs and my lows, and in between all that…is how I feel now. It exists. It’s just…there. It’s been part of me for 22 years and it will continue to be a part of me as we head into this next decade. (Where’s that cure they’ve been promising us…oh, it’s another 5 years from now, right?)

So my diabetes is 22 and I’m feeling “meh” about it. And that’s perfectly okay. I won’t deny my feelings (or lack thereof). I’ll simply just continue to live my life with diabetes, learning from both the literal and figurative highs and lows as I go along.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, dear readers. Be well, hug your loved ones, and enjoy the spirit of the season.

Diabetes Checks into “General Hospital”

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Soap operas: Many people scoff at them and the heightened drama that defines them. I get it. Betrayals! Infidelity! The mafia! Murder! Secret children! Evil twins! Name a ridiculous plot point, and I can virtually guarantee that it’s been explored on a soap.

But that’s precisely why I love soap operas. They’re the epitome of escapism. They’re so bizarrely over-the-top that it can be comical. And tuning into the absurdity is the perfect way for me to unwind after a long day.

My soap of choice? Why, it’s been the same one for years; in fact, since I was the tender age of nine years old…General Hospital. In the last 17 years, I’ve (mostly) kept up with the citizens of fictional Port Charles, New York. Their wild lives fascinate me. I think I’ve always been especially intrigued by the show because it centers around…well, a hospital. As a result, characters experience a myriad of maladies, everything from infectious diseases to totally invented my-memory-got-stolen-from-me-and-it’s-all-on-a-flash-drive-that-I-can’t-access sort of conditions.

So imagine how my interest piqued when longtime character Barbara Jean “Bobbie” Spencer got diagnosed with diabetes a couple weeks ago by her doctor son, Lucas (who has type 1 diabetes, himself).

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Diabetes is on the long list of medical conditions that GH has attempted to tackle over the years.

This plot line was…interesting. And somewhat concerning to me, because by the time the story wrapped, I’m not sure how much it did to raise diabetes awareness. Let me go over the good and the bad.

The good: Bobbie is a very petite woman who was diagnosed with type two diabetes. The character was in utter disbelief over this because she thought she practiced a healthy lifestyle. I can appreciate that the writers chose to diagnose her with type 2 to make viewers aware that obesity is not the only risk factor when it comes to developing it. And speaking of awareness, the writers chose to focus on the fact that people with diabetes are more susceptible to heart conditions. This is something that I like to pretend to not know sometimes, but it really is important to not be ignorant of complications.

The bad: Very little distinction was made between type 1 and type 2 diabetes with this new diagnosis. I can imagine that viewers who are unfamiliar with diabetes might be confused by what the difference is, especially considering that Bobbie was diagnosed by her son who has T1D. I feel like that should have been better explained or clarified. I also didn’t like how the whole plot line made diabetes seem very easy to treat and manage. I’m pretty sure the only things that Lucas told Bobbie to do was get her hemoglobin tested every 3 months and remember to take her medication (no mention of what kind, whether it was an oral drug or something else). Really? Frequent blood sugar checks, doctors appointments, and structuring a new daily routine couldn’t have been mentioned?

It’s just a bit frustrating to me as a person with diabetes. Of course, I don’t know what it’s like to live with type 2, but I know all too well about what goes into managing type one. And it’s not something that can be explained in a short story arc on a show like GH. Now I’m just curious as to how long the writers will prolong the diabetes diagnosis – will Bobbie’s condition be mentioned often, or will it only be swept under the rug until it’s a convenient time, story-wise, for it to come up? Time will tell.

Christmas Eve and 20 Years of Diabetes

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Merry Christmas Eve, to all those who celebrate it! Christmas is one of my absolute favorite holidays. I love spending time with my family and friends, attending mass, baking (and eating) Christmas cookies, and decorating the tree. This time of year is pure magic; a time when I feel most joyful.

This Christmas Eve also marks my 20th year of living with type one diabetes. I don’t remember much from that night in 1997, seeing as I was only four years old. I recall tons of family members visiting me in the hospital and bringing gifts for me. One of the gifts I received was a honey-colored teddy bear that I particularly liked and hugged often throughout my hospital stay.

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Beyond Type 1 featured me on their Instagram Wall of Warriors last year. This is how I #LiveBeyond.

Twenty years with diabetes is a long time. Too long, especially since every couple of years since my diagnosis I’ve been told that a cure would be found “soon”. I’ve come to accept the fact that “soon” just might not be within this lifetime, and rather than dwell on that, I choose to focus on the joy of life itself. How lucky am I to live a full life, surrounded by loved ones, employed full-time, with a roof over my head and food on my plate? How lucky am I to be able to have access to the insulin I need and to have a choice when it comes to the pump and meter I use? How lucky am I to have the knowledge and willpower it takes to manage a chronic illness every second of every day?

I’m extraordinarily lucky. I’m blessed.

That’s what I’m focusing on joy on this significant diaversary. I’m embracing the spirit of the season and recognizing the good in this life. Diabetes takes things away from me sometimes – a full night’s sleep, an occasional dessert, a missed trip to the gym – but I refuse to let it take my joy.