Don’t Feel Sorry About My Diabetes

This blog post was originally published on December 17, 2018 at Hugging the Cactus. I decided to repost it today because this is something that will ALWAYS be relevant – in fact, someone just said to me earlier this month that they are sorry I have diabetes! I wish people would stop apologizing for something that nobody can change, and something I accepted long ago…read on for more about why I never want people to feel sorry for me because I have diabetes.

Today’s blog post is going to be short and sweet, and about a subject that I think every person with diabetes deals with whenever they tell someone new about their diabetes.

It doesn’t matter how diabetes comes up in conversation. Whether it’s in a joking, serious, educational, happy, sad, or angry manner, the person I’m talking to almost always says…

“I’m sorry.”

I’m not sorry that I have diabetes, so you shouldn’t be, either.

Sometimes, I think it’s because society has instilled this weird reflex in people to apologize for something that they didn’t do. Other times, I think it’s because people just don’t know how else to respond to something that may be sobering or grounded in reality. But the simple fact of the matter is…

People need to stop apologizing to me, and other people with diabetes, for having it.

Here’s why:

  1. It doesn’t make sense.
  2. We weren’t given a choice – it’s a simple truth that we’ve learned to accept.
  3. It makes me feel strange, because it’s almost like the other person is taking accountability for my diabetes.
  4. I believe that human beings apologize too much, in general, and it diminishes apologies when they matter most or are most sincere.
  5. I’m not sorry that I have diabetes, so why should someone else be?

While I genuinely empathize with and appreciate people who apologize as a knee-jerk response, I’m just here to gently tell them that it isn’t necessary. Save “I’m sorry” for times that it’s warranted, and not for something like having diabetes, a matter in which no one has a choice.

My 22nd Diaversary

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve (already) and it just so happens that it’s also my diabetes diagnosis anniversary…or “diaversary,” as it’s colloquially known.

This means that tomorrow marks 22 years of living with diabetes.

For some, that might mean I should celebrate with a cupcake or another special, carb-y treat. And I probably will, because it’s Christmas Eve and sweets are sure to be bountiful at any gatherings I attend tomorrow. But I don’t really plan to do so with my diaversary in mind; for me, it’s the holiday that’s got me in a more festive mood than the fact that my diabetes is 22.

I don’t really know how to feel about this diaversary. My feelings last year about my 21st were very clear: I was down in the dumps about it. I was desperate for a break. And I really didn’t say much more beyond that.

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If you were me, would you do anything special to celebrate 22 years of diabetes?

This year is a little different. I feel the same as last year in that I would do anything for just a single day off from diabetes, but also…I guess I’ve just learned to embrace the routine of it?

I dunno. My relationship with diabetes is always going to be a bit of a roller coaster, just as my blood sugar can sometimes be. I’ll have my highs and my lows, and in between all that…is how I feel now. It exists. It’s just…there. It’s been part of me for 22 years and it will continue to be a part of me as we head into this next decade. (Where’s that cure they’ve been promising us…oh, it’s another 5 years from now, right?)

So my diabetes is 22 and I’m feeling “meh” about it. And that’s perfectly okay. I won’t deny my feelings (or lack thereof). I’ll simply just continue to live my life with diabetes, learning from both the literal and figurative highs and lows as I go along.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, dear readers. Be well, hug your loved ones, and enjoy the spirit of the season.

Diabetes Checks into “General Hospital”

Soap operas: Many people scoff at them and the heightened drama that defines them. I get it. Betrayals! Infidelity! The mafia! Murder! Secret children! Evil twins! Name a ridiculous plot point, and I can virtually guarantee that it’s been explored on a soap.

But that’s precisely why I love soap operas. They’re the epitome of escapism. They’re so bizarrely over-the-top that it can be comical. And tuning into the absurdity is the perfect way for me to unwind after a long day.

My soap of choice? Why, it’s been the same one for years; in fact, since I was the tender age of nine years old…General Hospital. In the last 17 years, I’ve (mostly) kept up with the citizens of fictional Port Charles, New York. Their wild lives fascinate me. I think I’ve always been especially intrigued by the show because it centers around…well, a hospital. As a result, characters experience a myriad of maladies, everything from infectious diseases to totally invented my-memory-got-stolen-from-me-and-it’s-all-on-a-flash-drive-that-I-can’t-access sort of conditions.

So imagine how my interest piqued when longtime character Barbara Jean “Bobbie” Spencer got diagnosed with diabetes a couple weeks ago by her doctor son, Lucas (who has type 1 diabetes, himself).

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Diabetes is on the long list of medical conditions that GH has attempted to tackle over the years.

This plot line was…interesting. And somewhat concerning to me, because by the time the story wrapped, I’m not sure how much it did to raise diabetes awareness. Let me go over the good and the bad.

The good: Bobbie is a very petite woman who was diagnosed with type two diabetes. The character was in utter disbelief over this because she thought she practiced a healthy lifestyle. I can appreciate that the writers chose to diagnose her with type 2 to make viewers aware that obesity is not the only risk factor when it comes to developing it. And speaking of awareness, the writers chose to focus on the fact that people with diabetes are more susceptible to heart conditions. This is something that I like to pretend to not know sometimes, but it really is important to not be ignorant of complications.

The bad: Very little distinction was made between type 1 and type 2 diabetes with this new diagnosis. I can imagine that viewers who are unfamiliar with diabetes might be confused by what the difference is, especially considering that Bobbie was diagnosed by her son who has T1D. I feel like that should have been better explained or clarified. I also didn’t like how the whole plot line made diabetes seem very easy to treat and manage. I’m pretty sure the only things that Lucas told Bobbie to do was get her hemoglobin tested every 3 months and remember to take her medication (no mention of what kind, whether it was an oral drug or something else). Really? Frequent blood sugar checks, doctors appointments, and structuring a new daily routine couldn’t have been mentioned?

It’s just a bit frustrating to me as a person with diabetes. Of course, I don’t know what it’s like to live with type 2, but I know all too well about what goes into managing type one. And it’s not something that can be explained in a short story arc on a show like GH. Now I’m just curious as to how long the writers will prolong the diabetes diagnosis – will Bobbie’s condition be mentioned often, or will it only be swept under the rug until it’s a convenient time, story-wise, for it to come up? Time will tell.

Christmas Eve and 20 Years of Diabetes

Merry Christmas Eve, to all those who celebrate it! Christmas is one of my absolute favorite holidays. I love spending time with my family and friends, attending mass, baking (and eating) Christmas cookies, and decorating the tree. This time of year is pure magic; a time when I feel most joyful.

This Christmas Eve also marks my 20th year of living with type one diabetes. I don’t remember much from that night in 1997, seeing as I was only four years old. I recall tons of family members visiting me in the hospital and bringing gifts for me. One of the gifts I received was a honey-colored teddy bear that I particularly liked and hugged often throughout my hospital stay.

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Beyond Type 1 featured me on their Instagram Wall of Warriors last year. This is how I #LiveBeyond.

Twenty years with diabetes is a long time. Too long, especially since every couple of years since my diagnosis I’ve been told that a cure would be found “soon”. I’ve come to accept the fact that “soon” just might not be within this lifetime, and rather than dwell on that, I choose to focus on the joy of life itself. How lucky am I to live a full life, surrounded by loved ones, employed full-time, with a roof over my head and food on my plate? How lucky am I to be able to have access to the insulin I need and to have a choice when it comes to the pump and meter I use? How lucky am I to have the knowledge and willpower it takes to manage a chronic illness every second of every day?

I’m extraordinarily lucky. I’m blessed.

That’s what I’m focusing on joy on this significant diaversary. I’m embracing the spirit of the season and recognizing the good in this life. Diabetes takes things away from me sometimes – a full night’s sleep, an occasional dessert, a missed trip to the gym – but I refuse to let it take my joy.