Diabetes and Gratitude: A Thanksgiving Post

Most years since I’ve been a diabetes blogger, I’ve tried to write some sort of blog post in which I reflect on the things that I’m grateful for.

My Thanksgiving gratitude list hasn’t really changed year after year…I’ll always be thankful for my family and friends, the roof over my head, and the food on my plate.

But what’s changed this year is that there are some new additions to the list:

Diabetes and gratitude aren’t two words that many people would probably put together in a sentence, but I do…keep reading to learn why.

My job. Given the record unemployment numbers this year, I feel especially grateful that I have a job that keeps me safe at home.

Access to insulin. I’ve always taken my insulin accessibility for granted. I don’t struggle to afford my 90-day supply (though it would certainly make my life easier if it was cheaper) and I am fortunate enough to have a solid supply on hand at all times. I know that other people with diabetes can’t say the same: an awful reality, but one that opens my eyes to something I should never take for granted.

Video chat programs. I used Skype in college to keep in touch with my high school friends and hadn’t really given it a second thought since then…until this year, of course. Between Zoom, FaceTime, and Skype, I’m so glad that this technology exists and helps me stay connected to my friends and family members.

Essential employees. There are a number of people who I consider heroes, and those who are essential employees are among them. It’s not just nurses, doctors, or first responders – it’s also the individuals who must risk exposure on a daily basis in order to support themselves and their families. I hope they know that their sacrifices don’t go unnoticed, and that they’re beyond appreciated for what they do to help the general public in so many ways.

Diabetes itself. Yes, I am thankful for diabetes. Here’s why: I could spend all my time resenting it for (occasionally) making my life miserable. A long time ago, though, I chose to embrace diabetes for what it is. In turn, I’ve learned to be grateful for diabetes because of all it has brought and taught me…friendship, independence, discipline, and so much more. After nearly 23 years with it, how could I not find gratitude in life with diabetes? And in a year of what’s felt like perpetual change (both for me personally and for the world), I’m thankful that diabetes remains a constant that actually helps keep me grounded by being a part of my routine. I’m always going to want and fight for a cure, but for now, I actively accept my diabetes and find the positives in my life with it.

It’s true that my Thanksgiving celebrations tomorrow will be a little different than what I’m used to, but I know that one thing that will stay the same is my gratitude for it, my diabetes, and all that life has to offer.

Learning to be Chronically Chill

I’m not sure that I’ll ever fully be at peace with my diabetes.

I have days when I hate it a little less, sure. I even have days when it doesn’t bother me at all. But true acceptance of my diabetes? I used to think I had it…not anymore. In 22 years, there’s just been too many times that I’ve detested every aspect about life with diabetes: the painful shots/needles, the constant planning, the many doctors appointments, the countless hours of sleep lost, the amount of money that goes into caring for it…the list could go on and on.

I know, I know…this all sounds extremely negative. It’s a little unlike me. But let me tell you what, instead of forcing myself to unequivocally accept my diabetes, I’m learning how to be what I’ll call “chronically chill” with it. It’s a bit of a play on words, you see. Diabetes is considered a chronic illness (I prefer to think of it as a condition; to me, “illness” has an ickier connotation). By definition, the word chronic means long-standing or permanent, and I’ll always have diabetes. So it’s about time that I start to be chronically chill – persistently cool, relentlessly alright-fine-I-get-it-you’re-not-going-away-any-time-soon – with my diabetes.

Learning to be Chronically Chill
Me, being my chronically chillest, on the beach.

To me, this is different than accepting it. Others might disagree, which is totally fine, but I think that accepting diabetes means hugging it warmly, with open arms. I don’t want to do that. Rather, I want to get to a place where I can be just…fine with my diabetes. Just let it coexist with me. I never want it to get to the best of me, but I also don’t want it to think that it can stay with me forever. I guess it’s the optimist in me that still thinks a cure is right around the corner.

How am I going about this process of being chronically chill? I’m taking it a day at a time. I’m trying to not get bogged down so much by the small things. I’m trying (and this is super mega hard for someone like me) to come to terms with the fact that I can’t have control over everything in my life. I’m trying to focus more on things like time in range versus my A1c. I’m trying all of this at once, and I believe that it will help me achieve the chronically chill status I’ve described.

And if the process goes more slowly than I want it to, I’ll just refer to the above photo of me on the beach from time to time…because it’s hard to find a place where I’m more chill – my most serene self – than when I’m near the sand and surf.